I've been too focused and somewhat wound up about my last week of work and Madeleine's last week at Montyne's house and our new situation that starts next week to write here.
I have so many things to do after work ends and as Madeleine begins school that I probably won't focus fully on finding a job for another two weeks.
I have decided that I will sign up for substitute teaching in the district and look into teaching elementary school full time by next year. That way Madeleine and I will be on the same schedule and we'll have off in the summer. I like that idea. Perhaps we'll look into spending our summers elsewhere?
More to say ....but time to get ready.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
A Free Day
When I go over the days of the week with Madeleine we basically have three types: school day, free day and church day. It keeps things simple. For the most part, we only have one free day a week...and this is it! We do what we want, have fun, keep things simple and except for the occasional wedding, dinner plan or fun excursion with friends we take the day as it comes.
Of course, the place is a mess so I'm choosing to stay home and clean a bit this morning. Put things in their place.
It's a little more than a week before Madeleine starts kindergarten and the excitement builds. I did finally call the charter schools and tell them we're not going to be attending this year. I was planning on going to the open house at one of them on Monday, but it doesn't make sense. As sad I sometimes feel, it also feels great that Madeleine will be going to school so close to home! We've never had that before.
I have my first interview next week. I've decided that if I get an opportunity, even if it doesn't seem like something I particularly want, I'm going for the interview anyway. It can't hurt to have that practice. It's been a while.
My last day of work is this coming Friday. Going to work everyday is difficult, but I'm trying to just do as much as I can do everyday. There have been a couple of things that have happened over the past week there that have shot at my confidence and abilities but I've decided I'm not leaving there with my tail between my legs because you know? I did a lot for them. I wasn't the perfect worker by any means, but I know I did more than they asked me to do and I did the assignment that I was originally asked to do. Period. Moving on.
I've worked all of my life...since I was 12...and I've always liked working and tried creative ways
to make it interesting even when the work itself was boring. I know that I've lived below my potential for most of my work life and I've had a lot of pain around that. It doesn't mean I haven't challenged myself or been challenged..but I definitely had (have?) the potential to do more. My insecurities and perhaps my "need" to remain unattached, free, without bounds and who knows what else (believe me I've done enough therapy around this and I'm done) has kept me back.
I was reading some Facebook entries last night and I was reminded of something Elenor Roosevelt said: ""You must do the thing you think you cannot do." and "“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” --
I think it might be time to challenge myself and face some fear and stretch. I've kind of been living in a state of personal homostatis. There have certainly been challenges and changes outside of me, but I've chosen keep myself pretty steady inside for that reason. As Madeleine enters Kindergarten and I leave this job that has kept us safe and fed and housed and stable it might be time..........................................
Of course, the place is a mess so I'm choosing to stay home and clean a bit this morning. Put things in their place.
It's a little more than a week before Madeleine starts kindergarten and the excitement builds. I did finally call the charter schools and tell them we're not going to be attending this year. I was planning on going to the open house at one of them on Monday, but it doesn't make sense. As sad I sometimes feel, it also feels great that Madeleine will be going to school so close to home! We've never had that before.
I have my first interview next week. I've decided that if I get an opportunity, even if it doesn't seem like something I particularly want, I'm going for the interview anyway. It can't hurt to have that practice. It's been a while.
My last day of work is this coming Friday. Going to work everyday is difficult, but I'm trying to just do as much as I can do everyday. There have been a couple of things that have happened over the past week there that have shot at my confidence and abilities but I've decided I'm not leaving there with my tail between my legs because you know? I did a lot for them. I wasn't the perfect worker by any means, but I know I did more than they asked me to do and I did the assignment that I was originally asked to do. Period. Moving on.
I've worked all of my life...since I was 12...and I've always liked working and tried creative ways
to make it interesting even when the work itself was boring. I know that I've lived below my potential for most of my work life and I've had a lot of pain around that. It doesn't mean I haven't challenged myself or been challenged..but I definitely had (have?) the potential to do more. My insecurities and perhaps my "need" to remain unattached, free, without bounds and who knows what else (believe me I've done enough therapy around this and I'm done) has kept me back.
I was reading some Facebook entries last night and I was reminded of something Elenor Roosevelt said: ""You must do the thing you think you cannot do." and "“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” --
I think it might be time to challenge myself and face some fear and stretch. I've kind of been living in a state of personal homostatis. There have certainly been challenges and changes outside of me, but I've chosen keep myself pretty steady inside for that reason. As Madeleine enters Kindergarten and I leave this job that has kept us safe and fed and housed and stable it might be time..........................................
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
You Can't Always Get What You Want
I'm sitting watching some show with Madeleine about a mermaid - "The Thirteenth Year" so I'm 1/2 in and 1/2 out of writing mode. Yes, yes, its a Disney movie.
I have been completely vexed about Madeleine's schooling. I've been pondering it day and night and so frustrated that I haven't been able to make a decision. I talked to a dear friend last night who reminded me that no matter where Madeleine ends up she'll be fine. She also reminded me that I'm allowed to make my life simpler and that if that means she goes to the public school that's o.k. Lastly she reminded me of what I already knew..that some of this has more to do with how I wished my schooling was and wanting her education to be the best! My schooling wasn't so bad actually. I went to one of the best school districts in New York and one of the best school districts in the country..but it was very traditional and I think I could have done better had we had more experiential learning....since this is how I learn best.
I finally am letting go of the charter school idea for now. I actually feel like I'm grieving a loss. A loss of what I wanted for Madeleine. It isn't the end of the world but it reminds me of so many things that I wanted in my life, but they didn't go that way ...they went a different way. To name just a few: wanting to have a natural birth and ending up with a cesarean, wanting to live at the Pathwork Center and instead it closed down, wanting a sober trip to Europe and ending up with two drinkers in my midst....somehow things that I really want...or things that I think I really want slip through my fingers and end differently than I intended them to end up.
As another friend of mine would say...this is actually a high end problem. There are many, many, many, many children in the world who don't have the opportunity of an education at all. And when I look at it that way it doesn't really matter to me and she will be ok.
After I find a job and I know what the landscape looks like, perhaps I can pursue the charter school idea again, but until our lives have some form simpler is better. It may not be what we want, but it is what we need at the moment.
I have been completely vexed about Madeleine's schooling. I've been pondering it day and night and so frustrated that I haven't been able to make a decision. I talked to a dear friend last night who reminded me that no matter where Madeleine ends up she'll be fine. She also reminded me that I'm allowed to make my life simpler and that if that means she goes to the public school that's o.k. Lastly she reminded me of what I already knew..that some of this has more to do with how I wished my schooling was and wanting her education to be the best! My schooling wasn't so bad actually. I went to one of the best school districts in New York and one of the best school districts in the country..but it was very traditional and I think I could have done better had we had more experiential learning....since this is how I learn best.
I finally am letting go of the charter school idea for now. I actually feel like I'm grieving a loss. A loss of what I wanted for Madeleine. It isn't the end of the world but it reminds me of so many things that I wanted in my life, but they didn't go that way ...they went a different way. To name just a few: wanting to have a natural birth and ending up with a cesarean, wanting to live at the Pathwork Center and instead it closed down, wanting a sober trip to Europe and ending up with two drinkers in my midst....somehow things that I really want...or things that I think I really want slip through my fingers and end differently than I intended them to end up.
As another friend of mine would say...this is actually a high end problem. There are many, many, many, many children in the world who don't have the opportunity of an education at all. And when I look at it that way it doesn't really matter to me and she will be ok.
After I find a job and I know what the landscape looks like, perhaps I can pursue the charter school idea again, but until our lives have some form simpler is better. It may not be what we want, but it is what we need at the moment.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monsoon Season
photo courtesy of Ralph Freso of the East Valley TribuneMonsoon season in Arizona is nothing like monsoon season, let's say, in India, BUT it rains more here during the monsoon than any other time of year. It's so nice when it rains here as I've probably already said a couple of times. We've had a few days of thunderstorms and rain and given the otherwise hot days it is a welcomed relief...aaaaahhhhhh.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Emily stays another day
Well, Emily is still here. The two little ones are sleeping but I must wake them shortly because we need to start our day. For a number of reasons I thought it was best if Emily stayed another night including Madeleine having a friend for a second night. We will take her across town this evening.
My days of work are coming to a close. I have two more weeks. I've started sending resumes out.
At the same time, Madeleine starts school. The charter school is still on my mind. Yesterday, Madeleine and Emily were creating a long chain out of these clips. I don't even know what they are called, but it is an educational toy. Madeleine was so excited about experimenting with the chain: well if we hook it to this door and that door ...how will it effect the closing of the doors?? The chain links are red, green, yellow and blue and she wanted to see how many different combinations of color they could put together with the links. I am so afraid she is going to get bored in the public school! I am thrilled by the way Eduprize teaches and this is the school I want her to go to.
I never finished this..but I'm publishing it....it is part of my process about Madeleine's schooling.
My days of work are coming to a close. I have two more weeks. I've started sending resumes out.
At the same time, Madeleine starts school. The charter school is still on my mind. Yesterday, Madeleine and Emily were creating a long chain out of these clips. I don't even know what they are called, but it is an educational toy. Madeleine was so excited about experimenting with the chain: well if we hook it to this door and that door ...how will it effect the closing of the doors?? The chain links are red, green, yellow and blue and she wanted to see how many different combinations of color they could put together with the links. I am so afraid she is going to get bored in the public school! I am thrilled by the way Eduprize teaches and this is the school I want her to go to.
I never finished this..but I'm publishing it....it is part of my process about Madeleine's schooling.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Madeleine and Emily
Emily finally arrived at about 1:30 yesterday afternoon. So, as you can imagine Madeleine asked at least another 50 times "when is Emily going to get here". We survived. I'm so happy Emily is here for Madeleine and for me!! I get a break from being the main focus for a few hours.
OK, so Emily is quite a bit older than Madeleine - 3 years. She just turned 8. When they met Emily was 6 and Madeleine was 3. Emily is the youngest of 3 kids and the product of a broken home. She sees her father rarely and isn't connected. Madeleine as you already know is an only child.
First, I think Emily is young for her age. Perhaps 7 instead of 8. And Madeleine is emotionally a little older for her age - perhaps 6 instead of 5. So, instead of 3 years apart, I think they are actually just a year apart emotionally. They play really well together.
The other thing is that Emily loves being an older sister to Madeleine given that she is the youngest. And Madeleine just love having someone to call her sister for a bit. Being an only child is difficult, especially for someone as social as Madeleine. Off topic, but Honestly, here we are living on a farm and I think Madeleine would LOVE living in Manhattan.
When we lived with Tony Emily and her family lived across the street. Despite their ages they became fast friends and spent a lot of time together in the 2 years we lived near each other. Emily now lives on the other side of the Phoenix metro area - 70 miles or so. If it wasn't for Madeleine's relentless requests to see Emily and my relentless phone calls to Emily's Mom - Stephanie because of Madeleine's relentless requests we probably would have never seen her again.
I want to instill for Madeleine that just because people move or we move that we can still continue our relationship with people. We can still see people we love when we don't live close. It my be my own desperation because of the many changes I went through in my life or my desperation because of all the changes I have put Madeleine through in her life. I don't think it's a bad thing as long as we also move on and meet new friends and accept our current situation.
As for what we've done since yesterday: I took them swimming at the Superstition Shadows Aquatic Center in Apache Junction. Slides, whirlpools, sprinklers and more for a whopping $1.00 per child and $1.50 per adult...for a total of $3.50!! Cheapest fun in town!! We ate dinner, played with the puppies, fed the horses, watched a movie and they've been playing -- however wonderful that I can do other things......aaaaaaaaah.
We go to church in a couple of hours and then I've got to get Emily across town - her Mom dropped her off and I said I would take her back. Can you say gas?? I have no idea how I'm going to get her across town..but I'll figure it out before time comes.
Time to take a shower.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Emily
Madeleine and I are waiting for her friend Emily to come to our house. We have not seen her since January. I am sure she has grown. Madeleine asks me when Emily is coming at least every 5 minutes. Every 5 minutes since 6:30 this morning. She should be here shortly. Thank goodness cause I don't think I can take one more "when is Emily coming Mom?" question.
I think I will take a short nap before Emily comes. More later.
I think I will take a short nap before Emily comes. More later.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Mama Kat's Writers Workshop
I never thought about writing about appliances, but this week the prompts led me to this. I thought about writing about 3 things you would want to know about me but I just didn't want to go there today.
Dishwashers, Refrigerators, Microwaves and Washers
Dryers, Vacuums, Ovens and Stoves
which of these appliances would you survive with.....
out
Dishwashers clean the dishes
Fridges keep the food cool
Waves heat the foot
and Washers clean the clothes
Dryers dry
Vacuums suck the dirt
Ovens bake
stoves boil, fry and simmer
Which of these can you do without?
None, I say. I can't live without any of them!
All, I say. I can live without all of them....for a time
What would life be like without?
No dishwasher? I'm doing this now....waiting, waiting, waiting for a new one and in the meantime? Rubber gloves, mile high dishes over and over and over again.
No fridge? I don't think so....melting food, rotting food, dry ice and and an ice box?
No microwave? This, I can do without if I have an stove and oven.
No washer? how does this work? wash on one of those rollers? this I would have a problem with.
No dryer? hang the clothes, hang the clothes, hang the clothes and WAIT. Yes, I could do this but I really don't want to.
No vacuum? I wouldn't like this one bit. My entire house is carpeted except the kitchen, second bathroom and the laundry room. What would I do, sweep the carpet with a broom? No, no, no! In fact I want the best, most expensive vacuum ever. I dream of having a vacuum that sucks up every last particle of dirt, hair and dust. I may be messy but I hate dirt!
No oven? I use this rarely..I could do without this?
No stove? I wouldn't like this...but hey I could do the fire thing.
I'm sure there are other appliances I'm forgetting about, but these are the appliances that come to mind...and with that, I feel complete.
Dishwashers, Refrigerators, Microwaves and Washers
Dryers, Vacuums, Ovens and Stoves
which of these appliances would you survive with.....
out
Dishwashers clean the dishes
Fridges keep the food cool
Waves heat the foot
and Washers clean the clothes
Dryers dry
Vacuums suck the dirt
Ovens bake
stoves boil, fry and simmer
Which of these can you do without?
None, I say. I can't live without any of them!
All, I say. I can live without all of them....for a time
What would life be like without?
No dishwasher? I'm doing this now....waiting, waiting, waiting for a new one and in the meantime? Rubber gloves, mile high dishes over and over and over again.
No fridge? I don't think so....melting food, rotting food, dry ice and and an ice box?
No microwave? This, I can do without if I have an stove and oven.
No washer? how does this work? wash on one of those rollers? this I would have a problem with.
No dryer? hang the clothes, hang the clothes, hang the clothes and WAIT. Yes, I could do this but I really don't want to.
No vacuum? I wouldn't like this one bit. My entire house is carpeted except the kitchen, second bathroom and the laundry room. What would I do, sweep the carpet with a broom? No, no, no! In fact I want the best, most expensive vacuum ever. I dream of having a vacuum that sucks up every last particle of dirt, hair and dust. I may be messy but I hate dirt!
No oven? I use this rarely..I could do without this?
No stove? I wouldn't like this...but hey I could do the fire thing.
I'm sure there are other appliances I'm forgetting about, but these are the appliances that come to mind...and with that, I feel complete.
My Typical Morning
It is 5am and I'm hoping to get up and write and look for a job and be by myself for 5 minutes. Alas this is my typical morning: I wake and put my feet to the floor....Jack, my 10 year old lab pants SO quickly you would think he is about to keel over, Cindy...my 2 year old chihuahua starts jumping almost as quickly as Jack is panting and higher than the height of my hips and scratching my legs at the same time....April, my 15 year old cat starts meowing in sync with Jack's panting and Cindy's jumping. I tell them all to be patient and I will get to them as if they can understand me and I head to take care of myself first in the bathroom (trying to model myself after the message you get on the plane to give yourself the oxygen mask before your kids)...all three push thier way into the bathroom and continue their cacophony while I do my thing. Suddenly from the other room "....mama?........mama? ..........MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"....I'm in the bathroom sweetie...I'm rolling my eyes with the knowledge that there will be no peace for me this morning -- at least for the moment. I hear her voice again "Mama, its light out, its time to get up."
I feel a lump in my throat, I want to cry, once again I had this idea of peace that will not come.
I open the door to let out Jack and Cindy, I feed April, I turn on the T.V. for Madeleine so she can watch Lilo and Stitch and I accept that this will be a typical morning.
I feel a lump in my throat, I want to cry, once again I had this idea of peace that will not come.
I open the door to let out Jack and Cindy, I feed April, I turn on the T.V. for Madeleine so she can watch Lilo and Stitch and I accept that this will be a typical morning.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Job Search Begins
I'm not happy about this job search at the moment. There was a time when job searching was almost like a game that I knew I would win. That was in my 20's and 30's. And, the truth of the matter is I did very little to find a job then. Within one or two job interviews, I had a job. Now? I'm sure I will be up against all kinds of discrimination - age and weight to name just two.
The last time I seriously looked for a job was the last time I was in New York and it wasn't pretty and I was very frustrated. It seemed like I had passed my prime. I would be invited back for 2, 3, 4 interviews and in the end I lost to someone younger who they would be able to pay less and who had all of the necessary certifications that I did not have. I had experience, but it wasn't enough.
Yesterday everything was finalized at my job about me leaving. I have 2 1/2 weeks left to go. And, at the same time I'm preparing for Madeleine to go to Kindergarten. Given my situation, the most logical place for her to go is the public school around the block, but the full-time kindergarten is full. She is registered at two charter schools one that has full-time and one that sort of has full-time. Both would be inconvenient should I find I job outside of our town.
My boss asked me if I was staying in Arizona - or at least that is what I think he meant. I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I keep going back and forth about it and my Mom always said (and it is one of the few things I remember her saying that I've listened to) if you're not sure stay put. I don' have any idea where we would go if I left. Go back to New York? Really, I have more family here than there and for Madeleine's sake I think staying is a better idea than leaving.
Now, if I get a job in downtown Phoenix, or Scottsdale we will probably have to move closer to town. I've never liked commuting long distances and I don't intend to start liking them now.
I don't even know what I want to do!!
I said in an older post that I dont' want to work for anyone anymore...and I really don't! Guess what? I probably will have to.....ugh. I just want to do something different!!
I'm rambling.....which I will probably be doing a lot of until I figure out what it is I and Madeleine are doing.
We're off for another day of fun.
The last time I seriously looked for a job was the last time I was in New York and it wasn't pretty and I was very frustrated. It seemed like I had passed my prime. I would be invited back for 2, 3, 4 interviews and in the end I lost to someone younger who they would be able to pay less and who had all of the necessary certifications that I did not have. I had experience, but it wasn't enough.
Yesterday everything was finalized at my job about me leaving. I have 2 1/2 weeks left to go. And, at the same time I'm preparing for Madeleine to go to Kindergarten. Given my situation, the most logical place for her to go is the public school around the block, but the full-time kindergarten is full. She is registered at two charter schools one that has full-time and one that sort of has full-time. Both would be inconvenient should I find I job outside of our town.
My boss asked me if I was staying in Arizona - or at least that is what I think he meant. I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I keep going back and forth about it and my Mom always said (and it is one of the few things I remember her saying that I've listened to) if you're not sure stay put. I don' have any idea where we would go if I left. Go back to New York? Really, I have more family here than there and for Madeleine's sake I think staying is a better idea than leaving.
Now, if I get a job in downtown Phoenix, or Scottsdale we will probably have to move closer to town. I've never liked commuting long distances and I don't intend to start liking them now.
I don't even know what I want to do!!
I said in an older post that I dont' want to work for anyone anymore...and I really don't! Guess what? I probably will have to.....ugh. I just want to do something different!!
I'm rambling.....which I will probably be doing a lot of until I figure out what it is I and Madeleine are doing.
We're off for another day of fun.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Another Monday Morning?
Wow! This weekend went fast. After days of being with family our routine returns. There are a few things this particular Monday brings: today is Tony Hurst's birthday (my old roommate who died in April), I have 15 days left of my job, I have to turn Madeleine's application in at her new elementary school.
Yesterday we spent the entire day at my sister's house. Eating, talking, swimming, sleeping and eating again. It was so comfortable and sweet to just have a relaxing day that didn't have any monster events in it..just a lot of interaction with family and friends (again). Today I'm exhausted from our festive weekend and I need a break...but alas...I go to work.
I had a dream last night that my Godmother's daughter was critiquing the writing of several blogs and she came across mine. She critiqued some other blogs saying they were creative, insightful, witty and she got to mine and said stop writing ..this is boring. I felt hurt when I woke up and decided it doesn't really matter if it is boring or not..I'm writing for me and hopefully if someone gets something out of it or enjoys it or whatever it's fine. I'm going to keep writing.
I ready something today on "One Day at a Time" - a fellow blogger who quoted from the Bible:
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour"
I have not been to church in three weeks. I know what I need to do to stay close to God, but I've been choosing not to lately. I know I always come back to God, but am very human and stray. It's actually very simple to get back to God: read scripture, pray, serve - it's time to bring my devotion back to what is good about life. This is my goal for today.
Yesterday we spent the entire day at my sister's house. Eating, talking, swimming, sleeping and eating again. It was so comfortable and sweet to just have a relaxing day that didn't have any monster events in it..just a lot of interaction with family and friends (again). Today I'm exhausted from our festive weekend and I need a break...but alas...I go to work.
I had a dream last night that my Godmother's daughter was critiquing the writing of several blogs and she came across mine. She critiqued some other blogs saying they were creative, insightful, witty and she got to mine and said stop writing ..this is boring. I felt hurt when I woke up and decided it doesn't really matter if it is boring or not..I'm writing for me and hopefully if someone gets something out of it or enjoys it or whatever it's fine. I'm going to keep writing.
I ready something today on "One Day at a Time" - a fellow blogger who quoted from the Bible:
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour"
I have not been to church in three weeks. I know what I need to do to stay close to God, but I've been choosing not to lately. I know I always come back to God, but am very human and stray. It's actually very simple to get back to God: read scripture, pray, serve - it's time to bring my devotion back to what is good about life. This is my goal for today.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Wedding
Well, the Wedding was quite beautiful. The ceremony was outside in the 6:00pm heat of the Arizona summer (it was 111 degrees F yesterday) but despite this, the love of Michele and Devin and the beauty of the ceremony and oh those misters kept us all from killing each other before going inside to "party" as Madeleine excitedly exclaimed when I was telling her the sequence of events for the evening.
I didn't get as many pictures as I would have liked, but I did get a few and I share them here with you:
Yup, the only pictures I took at the wedding were of the bride and my daughter. I was too busy enjoying the ceremony and the party. I also have a hard time when a million other people are taking pictures. It feels intrusive to me and so I was reluctant to over burden them. I would have liked to have gotten a picture of the bridge and groom, but that was not to be. I am sure I will get many pictures of them over the next few days.
We enjoyed a great dinner, danced, enjoyed time with family - those that we see often and those that we don't see too often and went home. It was quite lovely and I was able to let go of whatever sadness (again) I had and just enjoy!
I didn't get as many pictures as I would have liked, but I did get a few and I share them here with you:
Yup, the only pictures I took at the wedding were of the bride and my daughter. I was too busy enjoying the ceremony and the party. I also have a hard time when a million other people are taking pictures. It feels intrusive to me and so I was reluctant to over burden them. I would have liked to have gotten a picture of the bridge and groom, but that was not to be. I am sure I will get many pictures of them over the next few days.
We enjoyed a great dinner, danced, enjoyed time with family - those that we see often and those that we don't see too often and went home. It was quite lovely and I was able to let go of whatever sadness (again) I had and just enjoy!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wedding Day
Today my two older sisters come to see how Madeleine, Jack, Cindy, April and I live. Here they are at the rehearsal dinner last night with my niece Michele who is getting married tonight:
The place is a mess so I have a lot to do over the next couple of hours. I must say I'm really, really tired...have a headache and feel really sad today. I always end up getting this way when I spend too much time with family.
It is further being compounded by the fact that I've lost my job and everywhere I turn I hear stories of people who have been out of work forever and haven't even gotten an interview. It brings me to a place that I have a couple of choices:
Back to the wedding or my niece as the case may be. My niece and I were very close when she was little. She came to see me in 1999 with the exchange student who was living with my sister at the time. They came to see the ball drop in Time Square. I think before this time my niece had me on a pedestal...a very tall pedestal and on this particular trip that pedestal crashed. Our relationship has never been the same. We have a lot to talk about and I've never been able to get her alone for a minute to talk about it. Lately I've really wanted to but the wedding has been looming for months so I just figured I'd wait until after the wedding. So here it is and it is time for us to resolve what happened. I'll see if we can talk when she is back from her honeymoon. I'll certainly have more time because I won't be working.
Here is a picture of my niece and I at the rehearsal dinner:
She didn't used to be so much taller than I...but now well, you can see she is MUCH taller. I love her dearly and she is forever in my heart.
Here is the father and mother of the bride: my sister and her husband Lary:
Lastly my nephew Ryan and Ben are so happy to have their Dad home. He has been living in Alabama since he lost his job back in March because this is where he found a job. My sister and the boys are still living here and the hope is that Lary can move back here rather than all of them going back to Alabama. I too hope they stay. I really don't want them moving to Alabama.
Well, I hope this isn't running like a home video that no one wants to see. Actually, I love home videos and going into other peoples lives for a moment, but some people get really bored.
I had a better time last night than I thought I might. The kids had a blast swimming and playing, there was a running video of Michele and Devin as they grew up and came together with pictures from both of their lives on the television and it was nice to have everyone in the same place. I felt a lot of heart for my beautiful niece and that was enough for everything to be ok.
More tomorrow about today (aren't you lucky?)
The place is a mess so I have a lot to do over the next couple of hours. I must say I'm really, really tired...have a headache and feel really sad today. I always end up getting this way when I spend too much time with family.
It is further being compounded by the fact that I've lost my job and everywhere I turn I hear stories of people who have been out of work forever and haven't even gotten an interview. It brings me to a place that I have a couple of choices:
- do the teaching thing
- work for myself
Back to the wedding or my niece as the case may be. My niece and I were very close when she was little. She came to see me in 1999 with the exchange student who was living with my sister at the time. They came to see the ball drop in Time Square. I think before this time my niece had me on a pedestal...a very tall pedestal and on this particular trip that pedestal crashed. Our relationship has never been the same. We have a lot to talk about and I've never been able to get her alone for a minute to talk about it. Lately I've really wanted to but the wedding has been looming for months so I just figured I'd wait until after the wedding. So here it is and it is time for us to resolve what happened. I'll see if we can talk when she is back from her honeymoon. I'll certainly have more time because I won't be working.
Here is a picture of my niece and I at the rehearsal dinner:
She didn't used to be so much taller than I...but now well, you can see she is MUCH taller. I love her dearly and she is forever in my heart.
Here is the father and mother of the bride: my sister and her husband Lary:
Lastly my nephew Ryan and Ben are so happy to have their Dad home. He has been living in Alabama since he lost his job back in March because this is where he found a job. My sister and the boys are still living here and the hope is that Lary can move back here rather than all of them going back to Alabama. I too hope they stay. I really don't want them moving to Alabama.
Well, I hope this isn't running like a home video that no one wants to see. Actually, I love home videos and going into other peoples lives for a moment, but some people get really bored.I had a better time last night than I thought I might. The kids had a blast swimming and playing, there was a running video of Michele and Devin as they grew up and came together with pictures from both of their lives on the television and it was nice to have everyone in the same place. I felt a lot of heart for my beautiful niece and that was enough for everything to be ok.
More tomorrow about today (aren't you lucky?)
Friday, July 10, 2009
Here we go....
Well, in just a few minutes I take off for my niece and her soon to be new husband's rehearsal dinner. How many people are invited to a rehearsal dinner? Well, in this case it is 150. 150? This is BIGGER than most weddings.
I guess I'm nervous. I hate crowds and big social events especially since I'm not comfortable in my own skin these days. I am going to put a smile on my face, wipe off my smart-ass cynicism and have a good time. If for no other reason than for my daughter's sake.
I'm very happy for my niece and her soon to be husband. They look like they belong together:
Madeleine is already with everyone. She spent the day with my sister, husband, nephews and a few other relatives. I was so happy for her that I was able to make that happen for her today since I had to go to work. Here she is with her cousin Ben (and other cousin Haley) from last night:
What a pair they make. You can see them here to see how much they have both changed over the last 3 years. They are 8 months a part but they both start kindergarten in the fall - I mean summer (back east they start in September...here they start in the beginning of August).
Anyway, I'm procrastinating...so I'm off. More pictures to come of the event of the decade!!
I guess I'm nervous. I hate crowds and big social events especially since I'm not comfortable in my own skin these days. I am going to put a smile on my face, wipe off my smart-ass cynicism and have a good time. If for no other reason than for my daughter's sake.
I'm very happy for my niece and her soon to be husband. They look like they belong together:
Madeleine is already with everyone. She spent the day with my sister, husband, nephews and a few other relatives. I was so happy for her that I was able to make that happen for her today since I had to go to work. Here she is with her cousin Ben (and other cousin Haley) from last night:
What a pair they make. You can see them here to see how much they have both changed over the last 3 years. They are 8 months a part but they both start kindergarten in the fall - I mean summer (back east they start in September...here they start in the beginning of August).
Anyway, I'm procrastinating...so I'm off. More pictures to come of the event of the decade!!
Circa 1978.....if only
This is me with my high school boyfriend getting ready to go to the High School prom on Long Beach, NY. As you can see I was SKINNY. Perhaps 110 pounds and about as tall as I am now. Farah Fawcett hair do.
I showed this to a friend a couple of weeks a go and she said "THAT'S YOU!!" and I said "YES THAT'S ME!!". She said it like it couldn't possibly be me. Mind you this is almost 30 years a go.
While I know I can't possibly get to this size, I'd like to get close and this is going to take a VERY long time. How did I get so big? What happened to that athletic girl who couldn't go a day without running or biking or swimming or SOMETHING.
I think the first key is acceptance...acceptance of how I am now...scars, weight, and declining muscle mass.
I think the second key is finding the motivation. While I have a lot of ideas of what I need to do there is either too much stress or too much good food around or perhaps I'm just incorrigible?
What does it matter really? I want to be healthy, but the goal shouldn't be skinny, it should be health. I want to be healthy so I can be around for Madeleine. I want to be healthy because this is what I want in a partner so this is what I need to be myself.
But, I have it in my mind somewhere that "if you are BIG, you are unlovable and don't deserve to have anyone in your life" and I'm living as if this statement is true - because I believe this about other people too...I don't want a partner who is big..I want a partner who is healthy. But you see this statement is false and therein lies my dilemma and if this is the premise with which I live from I certainly am not going to me anyone.
I hear this from thin people all the time "you have to accept yourself the way you are". Nice to hear from someone who knows nothing of my problem. Or "just do it" as if they know how to do it when in fact they only ever had to lose 10 or 20 pounds.
The "Biggest Loser" is coming to town...it might even be this or next weekend. Since I don't have a job for the next while perhaps I should give it a shot?
I need to know...how do you deal with your weight (or food) issues? how do you motivate yourself? what is the key?
I do know that diets don't work. It is a change of life style. Food choices have to be planned and prepared every day. Exercise - cardio, strength, stretching. I have the cardio down - I falter in the area of strength and stretching. Its been proven to me though over and over again that as you get older while exercise is important - the only way to lose the weight is to change the food choices.
I think the other element to all of this is finding the emotional component that doesn't want the change. There is a part of me, I think, that doesn't want people to come too close and I think this exists for a lot of people who are overweight. Some kind of safety mechanism has been triggered - usually from some sort of abuse - that causes us to use this method to protect ourselves. I don't want this protection anymore!!
I can go one day eating well. Tonight I have a rehearsal dinner to go to and tomorrow my beautiful niece (also Michele) is getting married. Perhaps I can make a commitment to myself to eat well all day and not too much and then allow a little extra at dinner both today and tomorrow. We'll see. I haven't committed to starting the process of losing weight quite yes...just willing to explore this issue here and hear feedback from others dealing with the same issue. So comment away ...I'm open to what you have to say ......
I showed this to a friend a couple of weeks a go and she said "THAT'S YOU!!" and I said "YES THAT'S ME!!". She said it like it couldn't possibly be me. Mind you this is almost 30 years a go.
While I know I can't possibly get to this size, I'd like to get close and this is going to take a VERY long time. How did I get so big? What happened to that athletic girl who couldn't go a day without running or biking or swimming or SOMETHING.
I think the first key is acceptance...acceptance of how I am now...scars, weight, and declining muscle mass.
I think the second key is finding the motivation. While I have a lot of ideas of what I need to do there is either too much stress or too much good food around or perhaps I'm just incorrigible?
What does it matter really? I want to be healthy, but the goal shouldn't be skinny, it should be health. I want to be healthy so I can be around for Madeleine. I want to be healthy because this is what I want in a partner so this is what I need to be myself.
But, I have it in my mind somewhere that "if you are BIG, you are unlovable and don't deserve to have anyone in your life" and I'm living as if this statement is true - because I believe this about other people too...I don't want a partner who is big..I want a partner who is healthy. But you see this statement is false and therein lies my dilemma and if this is the premise with which I live from I certainly am not going to me anyone.
I hear this from thin people all the time "you have to accept yourself the way you are". Nice to hear from someone who knows nothing of my problem. Or "just do it" as if they know how to do it when in fact they only ever had to lose 10 or 20 pounds.
The "Biggest Loser" is coming to town...it might even be this or next weekend. Since I don't have a job for the next while perhaps I should give it a shot?
I need to know...how do you deal with your weight (or food) issues? how do you motivate yourself? what is the key?
I do know that diets don't work. It is a change of life style. Food choices have to be planned and prepared every day. Exercise - cardio, strength, stretching. I have the cardio down - I falter in the area of strength and stretching. Its been proven to me though over and over again that as you get older while exercise is important - the only way to lose the weight is to change the food choices.
I think the other element to all of this is finding the emotional component that doesn't want the change. There is a part of me, I think, that doesn't want people to come too close and I think this exists for a lot of people who are overweight. Some kind of safety mechanism has been triggered - usually from some sort of abuse - that causes us to use this method to protect ourselves. I don't want this protection anymore!!
I can go one day eating well. Tonight I have a rehearsal dinner to go to and tomorrow my beautiful niece (also Michele) is getting married. Perhaps I can make a commitment to myself to eat well all day and not too much and then allow a little extra at dinner both today and tomorrow. We'll see. I haven't committed to starting the process of losing weight quite yes...just willing to explore this issue here and hear feedback from others dealing with the same issue. So comment away ...I'm open to what you have to say ......
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Mama Kat's Wednesday Writers Workshop
1.) Tell us about a "dirt cheap" vacation you've taken this summer.
Well, I've only gone on one vacation in the last 4 years and that was a trip to San Diego on Memorial Day weekend. We stayed with friends, did not go to Sea World or the San Diego Zoo, ate dinner at my friends house BUT enjoyed a day at the beach, a day at the Tide Pools and La Jolla and spent time with an old friend all treasures and a welcomed retreat from the Arizona desert.
2.) When I grow up I want to be like: Jamie Lee Curtis
She doesn't try to be anything other than who she is. I like that. I like when I can be like that too.
3.) Describe a difficult moment that you survived.
I was just laid off from my job. My boss came to my office and quickly said "we've decided to eliminate your position and we're letting you go. You can work til the end of the month and we will give you a severance that will help you until you bridge the gap in your job search - I'm sorry" Gulp. Well, I did survive and despite my worries, concerns, fears I believe the universe has a plan that is better than what I have now...and things are so much better than they were even a year a go. "I will survive....as long as I know how to love...I know I will survive...I will survive"..you know how the song goes.
4.) List 5 things you like to do while camping...or 5 places you'd like to go.
I haven't gone camping since I was about 25. I have no clue what I like to do when I'm camping. As far as 5 places I'd like to go here they are:
Australia: I've wanted to go to Australia since I read the book "On the Beach" in the 10th Grade. At around the same time my Dad - an engineer for a major aerospace company was given the possibility of moving to Australia for a consulting gig for a year or two....the two melded together to peak my curiosity. I would like to go from Sydney to Melbourne to the Outback all the way to Perth and discover all the ins and outs of this amazing and mysterious continent.
Other interactions that have peaked my interest in Australia: Rabbit-Proof Fence - the movie about the Fence that runs along the border of the State of Western Australia. It was built in the early 1900's to keep rabbits and other animals away from the pasture lands of Western Australia.
A also read a book in the early1990's called "Mutant Message Down Under". I understand that it became quite controversial in Australia and while when I read it it was released as a piece of non-fiction writing it has been re-released as fiction. Either way, the book further intrigued my desire to go to Australia. The book is about a woman who lived among the Aboriginal tribes of the Outback and the experiences she had with them while in their presence.
Along with these little dots along the way, there is beauty and history of the place that also intrigues me.
New Zealand - I had a friend from New Zealand and a boss from New Zealand. My friend rode a horse (or so he says) around the entire perimeter of the south island! My boss was from Wellington. It is also one the few really pristine places in the world.
Italy - I went to Italy in the late '90s. I took a train from the South of France and I have to say the change in personality of the people over that border was astonishing. Loving, warm, light-hearted. Now I'm not one of those people who found the French to be uninviting, however the Italians just seem to have their arms streatched out to greet you the minute you are within its borders. Take that along with its history and beauty and I'm a gonner. I want to go back because I was only priveledged to see the northern half...Venice, Milan, Lake Como. I'd like go back and see the southern half and then take the ferry across to Greece.
Brazil - My daughter is 1/2 Brazilian. I'd like to take her there so she can experience that side of her heritage.
Alaska - Need I say more?
5.) What are you paranoid about?
There is a fable called "Chicken Licken, The Sky is Falling" which I heard when I was four. One day shortly after I heard this fable ... I was walking from a friends house to my house - a few short doorways away - moms at both doors - the clouds were moving in the sky at a rapid pace. I became hysterical and paniced that th sky was falling and screamed all the way home until I got in the door of my home. OK, this is the beginning of a VERY long tale of paranoia that I will not bore you with but here goes a short list....I seem to have recovered slightly....but my mind is filled with scenarios of disaster and I am the central character with God out to get back me:
Getting stuck under the river in a subway (see poem)
Getting stuck in an elevator
Being in a bumpy plane 35,000 feet above the earth
People driving too close behind me (this is actually realistic I must say)
OK, perhaps it is all claustraphopia..perhaps living in Arizona has cured me a bit....living in New York I was confronted with my paranoia on a daily basis...here...I don't have to deal with it much.
Phew.................................................
Well, I've only gone on one vacation in the last 4 years and that was a trip to San Diego on Memorial Day weekend. We stayed with friends, did not go to Sea World or the San Diego Zoo, ate dinner at my friends house BUT enjoyed a day at the beach, a day at the Tide Pools and La Jolla and spent time with an old friend all treasures and a welcomed retreat from the Arizona desert.
2.) When I grow up I want to be like: Jamie Lee Curtis
She doesn't try to be anything other than who she is. I like that. I like when I can be like that too.
3.) Describe a difficult moment that you survived.
I was just laid off from my job. My boss came to my office and quickly said "we've decided to eliminate your position and we're letting you go. You can work til the end of the month and we will give you a severance that will help you until you bridge the gap in your job search - I'm sorry" Gulp. Well, I did survive and despite my worries, concerns, fears I believe the universe has a plan that is better than what I have now...and things are so much better than they were even a year a go. "I will survive....as long as I know how to love...I know I will survive...I will survive"..you know how the song goes.
4.) List 5 things you like to do while camping...or 5 places you'd like to go.
I haven't gone camping since I was about 25. I have no clue what I like to do when I'm camping. As far as 5 places I'd like to go here they are:
Australia: I've wanted to go to Australia since I read the book "On the Beach" in the 10th Grade. At around the same time my Dad - an engineer for a major aerospace company was given the possibility of moving to Australia for a consulting gig for a year or two....the two melded together to peak my curiosity. I would like to go from Sydney to Melbourne to the Outback all the way to Perth and discover all the ins and outs of this amazing and mysterious continent.
Other interactions that have peaked my interest in Australia: Rabbit-Proof Fence - the movie about the Fence that runs along the border of the State of Western Australia. It was built in the early 1900's to keep rabbits and other animals away from the pasture lands of Western Australia.
A also read a book in the early1990's called "Mutant Message Down Under". I understand that it became quite controversial in Australia and while when I read it it was released as a piece of non-fiction writing it has been re-released as fiction. Either way, the book further intrigued my desire to go to Australia. The book is about a woman who lived among the Aboriginal tribes of the Outback and the experiences she had with them while in their presence.
Along with these little dots along the way, there is beauty and history of the place that also intrigues me.
New Zealand - I had a friend from New Zealand and a boss from New Zealand. My friend rode a horse (or so he says) around the entire perimeter of the south island! My boss was from Wellington. It is also one the few really pristine places in the world.
Italy - I went to Italy in the late '90s. I took a train from the South of France and I have to say the change in personality of the people over that border was astonishing. Loving, warm, light-hearted. Now I'm not one of those people who found the French to be uninviting, however the Italians just seem to have their arms streatched out to greet you the minute you are within its borders. Take that along with its history and beauty and I'm a gonner. I want to go back because I was only priveledged to see the northern half...Venice, Milan, Lake Como. I'd like go back and see the southern half and then take the ferry across to Greece.
Brazil - My daughter is 1/2 Brazilian. I'd like to take her there so she can experience that side of her heritage.
Alaska - Need I say more?
5.) What are you paranoid about?
There is a fable called "Chicken Licken, The Sky is Falling" which I heard when I was four. One day shortly after I heard this fable ... I was walking from a friends house to my house - a few short doorways away - moms at both doors - the clouds were moving in the sky at a rapid pace. I became hysterical and paniced that th sky was falling and screamed all the way home until I got in the door of my home. OK, this is the beginning of a VERY long tale of paranoia that I will not bore you with but here goes a short list....I seem to have recovered slightly....but my mind is filled with scenarios of disaster and I am the central character with God out to get back me:
Getting stuck under the river in a subway (see poem)
Getting stuck in an elevator
Being in a bumpy plane 35,000 feet above the earth
People driving too close behind me (this is actually realistic I must say)
OK, perhaps it is all claustraphopia..perhaps living in Arizona has cured me a bit....living in New York I was confronted with my paranoia on a daily basis...here...I don't have to deal with it much.
Phew.................................................
Madeleine, Immunizations and Kindergarten
Madeleine gets the last of her immunizations today. I never feel 100% great about immunizations and do feel there is some connection between some children with autism and immunizations. I've been catching Madeleine up since January since she missed a few in the time we were moving around and then I forgot about them until we were approaching her start in school.
I decided to do one a month instead of doing them all at one time. We have two left and we're going to do both of those today. Thank goodness this is over for now. I remember the first ones she got when she was just a baby and the doctor basically stabs your child in the thigh. I'm a new mom, my baby is perfectly content and then boom ...they stick it to the baby and she's wailing at the top of her lungs. Not fun. It's over in a couple of seconds, but those seconds are excruciating for baby and mom.
After this is done it is time for school registration. After all my glee of getting her into the charter school it turns out that because I lost my job and I may have to go in the opposite direction from home than I would have had I still had my job that it doesn't make sense for her to go to the charter school way over there --- meaning near work. The liklihood that I'll get a job over there again is slim. She will instead go to the public school here near home. The school is basically around the corner and I can actually walk her there. I feel a little relieved in a way. My life will be a lot easier. My plan is to just make sure to get involved with the school and PTA and make sure that Madeleine is getting the education she deserves. She's a smart girl and needs mental stimulation so I want to make sure she gets that.
Now it is time to wake up my little cherub and head out to the doctor. Until next time.
p.s. we went to look at the apartment where Mackenzy and her Mom live. Something in me keeps saying we should stay put for now.
I decided to do one a month instead of doing them all at one time. We have two left and we're going to do both of those today. Thank goodness this is over for now. I remember the first ones she got when she was just a baby and the doctor basically stabs your child in the thigh. I'm a new mom, my baby is perfectly content and then boom ...they stick it to the baby and she's wailing at the top of her lungs. Not fun. It's over in a couple of seconds, but those seconds are excruciating for baby and mom.
After this is done it is time for school registration. After all my glee of getting her into the charter school it turns out that because I lost my job and I may have to go in the opposite direction from home than I would have had I still had my job that it doesn't make sense for her to go to the charter school way over there --- meaning near work. The liklihood that I'll get a job over there again is slim. She will instead go to the public school here near home. The school is basically around the corner and I can actually walk her there. I feel a little relieved in a way. My life will be a lot easier. My plan is to just make sure to get involved with the school and PTA and make sure that Madeleine is getting the education she deserves. She's a smart girl and needs mental stimulation so I want to make sure she gets that.
Now it is time to wake up my little cherub and head out to the doctor. Until next time.
p.s. we went to look at the apartment where Mackenzy and her Mom live. Something in me keeps saying we should stay put for now.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
At a Loss
Almost exactly four years a go I was laid off from my job. I've been laid off from my job again. This time the circumstances are different and my life is different and even the feelings are different, but I've been laid off from my job.
The good news is is there is a severance. I have some time to figure out what I am going to do.
On the other hand, I'm at a loss. I live in a beautiful place. But, it is more than I can really handle financially. Madeleine is about to start school. We live far from civilization - far enough that if I find a job it will more than likely be further away than I'd like. I am not at all interested in moving at the moment. I'd like to be moved, but I don't want to go through the process. I'm putting pressure on myself that we need to make a decision this month. I want Madeleine to be settled in school for the year. I don't want to move her one month, two months, three months in.
Option: I can sometimes become a broken record. I skip and can't get the skip out until I act on the thing I'm skipping. Right now that skip is move in an apartment complex in Mesa where Mackenzy (our old roommate's daughter) and Jen live (Mackenzy's Mom). This way Madeleine will have some sense of familiarity, we'll have support and we will be closer to civilization where I have a better shot of finding a new job. The elementary school is pretty close and has a good reputation.
Option issues: Can you say apartment? Small space? We've lived in houses since we moved to Arizona. Of course, I lived in apartments for 20 some odd years. We'll survive. Oh Gosh...I just don't know.....a
Option: Get a roommate at the house. Not sure.
Option: Move some place else? Move to a different place, a different city, a different state, country?
I REALLY AM AT A LOSS AND FEEL GREAT FRUSTRATION AT THE MOMENT.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The good news is is there is a severance. I have some time to figure out what I am going to do.
On the other hand, I'm at a loss. I live in a beautiful place. But, it is more than I can really handle financially. Madeleine is about to start school. We live far from civilization - far enough that if I find a job it will more than likely be further away than I'd like. I am not at all interested in moving at the moment. I'd like to be moved, but I don't want to go through the process. I'm putting pressure on myself that we need to make a decision this month. I want Madeleine to be settled in school for the year. I don't want to move her one month, two months, three months in.
Option: I can sometimes become a broken record. I skip and can't get the skip out until I act on the thing I'm skipping. Right now that skip is move in an apartment complex in Mesa where Mackenzy (our old roommate's daughter) and Jen live (Mackenzy's Mom). This way Madeleine will have some sense of familiarity, we'll have support and we will be closer to civilization where I have a better shot of finding a new job. The elementary school is pretty close and has a good reputation.
Option issues: Can you say apartment? Small space? We've lived in houses since we moved to Arizona. Of course, I lived in apartments for 20 some odd years. We'll survive. Oh Gosh...I just don't know.....a
Option: Get a roommate at the house. Not sure.
Option: Move some place else? Move to a different place, a different city, a different state, country?
I REALLY AM AT A LOSS AND FEEL GREAT FRUSTRATION AT THE MOMENT.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Madeleine Speak
Dear Madeleine,
You are sleeping now after asking me just 5 minutes a go whether or not you could watch Barbie's "Pegasus" for the second time today. I reluctantly said yes concerned you might want to stay up, but I kind of knew you were about to fall asleep and alas you are!!
We didn't go to church today - for the second week in a row (guilt), but I felt some energy spring up to clean and rearrange the house and since I think God likes organization, I thought he would be ok with my decision - large amounts of energy are hard for me to come by lately and when I have it I need to use it to better our environment. Oddly on this same day someone from church came over to give me a book of church paintings and offered me help late this afternoon. By that time I had no energy left and she cleaned up the kitchen and helped me get the very heavy garbage bags to the garbage bin....you came for the ride and put your beautiful little drawings in the neighbors mailbox. You said that you wanted to give them to Bonnie Li so she feels better (she has a chronic illness).
Anyway, you told me that your absolutely FAVORITE Barbie movie is Pegasus. In the same sentence you said you liked the movie with the girls with the strange colored hair (Trollz) a lot but not as much as Barbie's Pegasus. You said we absolutely had to buy Marley and Me because it's your FAVORITE movie ever.
You have also lately said that you want a fish, a new puppy, a kitty and a HORSE. I guess that's what I get for moving to a HORSE property. You've given me a litany of names including Isabelle, Hazel, Katelynn and others that I can't remember right now. When I tell you that you will need to take care of all of these animals you say "Of Course Mom, you silly goose". I happen to know from experience that THAT ain't gonna happen my sweet no matter how convincing you are!!
The last thing I want to tell you about is Cheyenne. You tell me one day you like her, the next day that you hate her and the next day you like her and on and on. You tell me she is mean to you and everyone at school and that it isnt' ok with you. Friday I asked you how school was and you told me that Cheyenne is learning to be nice all by herself. Progress, huh?
I need to write more Madeleine Speak because every day you say the funniest things. I'll have to keep a notebook and keep it up.
Love you always Bug (and don't EVER forget that)
Mom
You are sleeping now after asking me just 5 minutes a go whether or not you could watch Barbie's "Pegasus" for the second time today. I reluctantly said yes concerned you might want to stay up, but I kind of knew you were about to fall asleep and alas you are!!
We didn't go to church today - for the second week in a row (guilt), but I felt some energy spring up to clean and rearrange the house and since I think God likes organization, I thought he would be ok with my decision - large amounts of energy are hard for me to come by lately and when I have it I need to use it to better our environment. Oddly on this same day someone from church came over to give me a book of church paintings and offered me help late this afternoon. By that time I had no energy left and she cleaned up the kitchen and helped me get the very heavy garbage bags to the garbage bin....you came for the ride and put your beautiful little drawings in the neighbors mailbox. You said that you wanted to give them to Bonnie Li so she feels better (she has a chronic illness).
Anyway, you told me that your absolutely FAVORITE Barbie movie is Pegasus. In the same sentence you said you liked the movie with the girls with the strange colored hair (Trollz) a lot but not as much as Barbie's Pegasus. You said we absolutely had to buy Marley and Me because it's your FAVORITE movie ever.
You have also lately said that you want a fish, a new puppy, a kitty and a HORSE. I guess that's what I get for moving to a HORSE property. You've given me a litany of names including Isabelle, Hazel, Katelynn and others that I can't remember right now. When I tell you that you will need to take care of all of these animals you say "Of Course Mom, you silly goose". I happen to know from experience that THAT ain't gonna happen my sweet no matter how convincing you are!!
The last thing I want to tell you about is Cheyenne. You tell me one day you like her, the next day that you hate her and the next day you like her and on and on. You tell me she is mean to you and everyone at school and that it isnt' ok with you. Friday I asked you how school was and you told me that Cheyenne is learning to be nice all by herself. Progress, huh?
I need to write more Madeleine Speak because every day you say the funniest things. I'll have to keep a notebook and keep it up.
Love you always Bug (and don't EVER forget that)
Mom
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